The Last Day of My Old Fat LIfe

When I woke up this morning after a not so good night's sleep, the sun was just sneaking in on the window wall but, by the time I had listened to the news and decided to get out of bed, it was raining - just what I need for wandering around the rabbit area and then the field. 

I decided to go and sort out all the animals before I had a shower, so my feet would be pristine clean for my arrival in hospital.  I usually shower first, but, I wear Crocs without socks, not a fashion item I agree, but very comfortable for feet which have spread under a massive weight over the years. 

The problem is that, particularly on wet mornings, the wet grass and mud sneak in through the pattern of holes in the top of and the non-existent backs of the Crocs.  So I decided to do everything, including clearing up the kitchen and loading the dishwasher before showering and washing my hair.  I shall have the joy in the hospital of showering tonight and tomorrow morning in Hibiscrub so I'm as bacteria free as possible. 

One thing that always worries me about being away from home, wherever I am, is leaving the cats.  In October last year, Mimi disappeared on my second day of six away and never returned home.  Two years before that Oscar also went out never to return while I was in England for five days. 

My friends will come in to feed all the animals, including Daisy, Purrdy and Alfie, and because there is a cat door they can come and go as they wish, so have everything they need except, perhaps, the cuddles and kisses I subject them to.

I feel very vulnerable and although part of me is longing to get this all over and wishing it was this time next week, part of me doesn't want it to happen at all.  I know I have to have the op and obviously I won't back down, but it seems very daunting now the time's come.

I am beginning to doubt whether I shall be able to stop putting things into my mouth which I know I mustn't eat.  All the medical people I've seen have said, it isn't a miracle cure.  You still have to control what you eat and drink.  I'm just having a bit of self-doubt and can't seem to be positive at the moment. 

I hate the beds in hospital.  I am far too fat for a single bed and turning over is really awkward and difficult.  You can see how there is not a lot of room for me in this photo taken six weeks ago after my parathyroidectomy.

And here's another photo taken in May this year at my Book Group - it will be good to lose the apron of fat that falls from my tummy, but I'm worried about finally having to have the loose skin removed.  I feel as if the operations are never going to end.  I wish I didn't feel so negative today, but I do.   I think it's called panicking!

Just before midday I took my final morbidly obese photo.

I have just got on my scales and weigh in at exactly 143.1 kilos/315½ lbs/22stones 7½lbs. I shall obviously weigh differently on the hospital scale, or I should think I will, scales usually vary.

I will go by these scales all the way through my weight loss journey.

Today I've eaten a warmed pain au raisin with butter, a bar of chocolate and finally, for lunch, fried bacon, fried bread, fried tomatoes and mushrooms.   I decided to freeze the duck I was going to have and chose the fryup for my last fat meal.

The longest I should be in the hospital is seven days and hopefully it will be much shorter.  I'll keep a note of what happens while I'm away and I'll be posting again as soon as I'm home and have an internet connection.   Thanks to everyone who has been sending messages of support -  it's hard to express how much they've been appreciated. x